I am currently starving for some missing pieces in my life. I know my life is not just going to end like this. This is just a piece of rubbish which I write while I am highly unmotivated. I don't know if I need some counseling or what but I just don't like my normal life nowadays. I am sick mentally and physically. I cannot study well because I keep on thinking of the same old thing everyday.
I am really poor in healing myself. I am not a doctor or what physics pro who can study physics like pro. God gave everyone a life to live in and we are the one who determine how we use our life. You can call me stupid because I am really not that clever. I never realize how good is God to us. I think negatively and behave pessimistically. I don't like myself and my style is not pleasing to the people surrounding me.
Although I know that I am myself while others are others,I still really mind in what people's thinking of me. My heart is weakening every now and then. I do admit that I am an old stubborn kid. I know I should be thinking more mature from now on but I am really scare of going through all of that. What will it do to me? Will I be too crazy in thinking all of that? Am I wasting my time here doing nonsense? What benefits can it bring to me?
I am a guy with a normal family who goes to church every Sunday. However,what will happen if I stop going to church? I am thinking too much nowadays. I think of my past,my current life and of course my future. I cannot sleep well. My head hurts a lot. I may get migraine suddenly. I am really unwell. The world id round. The world will never change for me. You can say that the world is cruel but the fact is that you are wrong.
We are the one who are cruel. We are cruel to ourselves. We are bad. We don't deserve to be living in such a beautiful world. What is the point in living in such a nice place when we does not know how to appreciate the whole thing. We might as well shut up and disperse from this place once and for all. We rush too much while trying to pursue something in our life.
We think that we finally make it to the conclusion. We are the winner. We have achieved the true meaning of our life. But eventually,we haven't even reach the climax yet. Once again,we are lying to ourself and the people surrounding us. We not only hurting ourselves but our friends too. Sometimes,we don't even know that we are wrong in the things that we have done.
But can this change? Is it the time for us to prove our worth in living? When is the dateline? Friends are marvelous,food are marvelous,everything is marvelous if we know how to use it well. I love all my friends but do all my friends love me? Wait,wait,wait..am I really sure when I say that I love all my friends? I actually treat some of my friends like enemy. My behavior shows it all. Not good at all. Not nice at all. Sweets are sweet while bitter gourd are bitter. This is the fact and the only fact.